One of the reasons we moved to the country was because we wanted to slow down our lives a little. And we both wanted to be more present in the children's lives. We had always made it a priority to not work long hours in our jobs but as we came to appreciate how fast time flies when they are little (and I'm sure at every other stage too!), we decided to rethink our living arrangements.
It is a common experience amongst our friends in the city that one parent is either the breadwinner and works long hours - leaving the house at 7am and not returning until after dinner - or both parents have to work and the children are in daycare and/or school and before and after school care. And that is not a judgement but an everyday reality for many people. It's often what is necessary to live in the city - mortgages and rents are high, and so is the cost of living.
A few years before we moved to the country my husband sold his manufacturing business and after working out his contract, he technically became the primary carer for the children. But, in reality, it is a responsibility that we both share. Some days I go to the city to do a photo shoot, or even travel interstate, and other days I have deadlines and need to write. But my work is mostly flexible. This means I can write in the evenings, or when the children are at school and preschool. And so once everyone is home, I close the laptop and focus on family activities - even if that's attending to the laundry or making dinner.
But my husband plays a big role in our day-to-day lives. He always has. Often he plans our weekly meals, does the grocery shopping, cooks dinner and vacuums the house. And even when he was working and running his own business with many employees, he still did a lot of these tasks. We both did. Because then I was working too - first at a publishing company in the city, and then as a freelance writer and stylist. As much as possible we share our familial responsibilities. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
I have always felt strongly that there are no "male" and "female" tasks. There are just tasks. Some people do some better than others due to experience and some natural ability. But we can all learn. And I have to admit that my husband is more adept at a range of tasks than I am. For example, he's better at cooking than I am at welding. He's an incredibly well-rounded person, and I have his parents to thank for that. And he's a wonderful role model for our children.
It has always been important to me to have a partner who is just that. Someone who works alongside me and we complement and help each other. And I am conscious that the type of relationship that my husband and I have will play a big role in the types of partners that our children may look for later in life. In particular, I want the girls to have a modern-day role model. I don't want them to think that they have to be the one who cooks, cleans, and is the primary carer for the children, if they don't want to. In fact, it's interesting that on our previous street in the city there were three stay-at-home dads (for want of a better word) within about 100m of our home. And as a side note, one was a writer and award-winning novelist who did the school runs, one had been a banker and the other was my husband, who had run his own business for 10 years. Times are a-changing.
I have always felt that a big component of our job as parents is two-fold. To open our children's eyes to the possibilities of the world. And to also teach them the necessary life skills so that when they become an adult they are able to go forth with confidence and ability.
And so we have been teaching our son how to cook, knit and sew, and the girls both know how to use a drill and make a fire. We want them to be well-rounded individuals, and what they learn is what they see in the home.
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Thank you for supporting our online homewares store Imprint House, which helps to keep this space alive.
Talking about babies and their sleeping habits is a loaded topic. There are a lot of judgements that seem to fly around about the type of person - and mother - you are depending on the path that you take. Because, after all, motherhood is a journey, and is different for every person.
However, there are times when I try to listen without judgement because I am open to hearing someone else's story. There are times when I am willing to try anything that has worked for someone else. And this is true for all of the stages of childhood.
Today I am sharing my experience - not as a way to say it's the best way, but to say it's what has helped our family.
When our first child was born, I felt out of my element. I hadn't grown up around lots of siblings, and even when my friends started to have children, I still didn't know or understand what they were going through. But I was also interested to know what was working (or not) for them, and willing to listen.
After learning that we were to become parents for the first time, my husband and I took classes through the local hospital. These were mainly about what happens during the birthing process, but also provided tips, advice and current medical recommendations on different elements of caring for a newborn baby. For example, the hospital wanted to encourage parents to place babies sleeping on their backs as research had shown that this had helped to reduce the rate of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome significantly. They also discouraged parents from sleeping with babies in their beds, for the same reason. Even at the delivery of my most recent baby, the hospital's policy was that newborns had to sleep in the bassinets, and not with the mother. SIDS was sited as the risk factor.
Because I was a new mother and wide-eyed, I didn't want to take this risk with my first child. However, there were times when I was so tired that sometimes he fell asleep with me in bed as a newborn, always during a nighttime feed. However, the few times that this happened, either he or I wouldn't sleep so well. Even when I was desperate for one of us to sleep, it never worked for us. I was always worried that myself or my husband might roll over onto the baby. It has always been my experience - with all four children - that we both sleep better when in our own beds. (And this is true for the children as they have aged too - they are too wriggly!)
Co-sleeping is something that seems to becoming more and more popular - at least from my admittedly small sample of mothers who I follow on Instagram. And that is fine - I understand the need to find something that works for each person's circumstances. But it is not something that has worked for us.
When I was pregnant with our first child a friend gave me a book as a gift. She was an intelligent woman and a high achiever - a classic type-A personality. The book was called Save Our Sleep. At first I put it to the side, but when I felt overwhelmed with my newborn I started to read it. Then another friend, whose baby was sleeping at six weeks old, gave me another book: The Baby Whisperer. I also read this, and started to follow through on some of the advice. While I have never been overly strict on following routines, we have found them to work for our family. All four of my children - who have each had their own distinct personalities - have now been sleeping through the night by about three months old.
For me, what the books above have helped me to teach me is ways to understand my baby, and their needs. For example, if a baby has just been fed and they start to cry, I always check their nappy first or try to determine if they have wind. My first reaction is not to breastfeed straight away. I also try to ensure that they have a "full" feed each time, offering both sides - and this usually happens when they are about three hours apart - versus "snacking".
Also, swaddling has worked for us. If they come out of their wrap, then they are more likely to wake and not have a full sleep. I've always found wrapping with the arms up - as above - allows the baby to suck on their hands and comforts them. The giant wraps from Li'l Fraser have been really good for this, as I have mentioned before.
And by following some form of a routine, I can read their cues better for when they are tired and need to have a nap. If they are starting to grizzle and they have already had a feed and a nappy change, then I know it's time to put them down for a nap. If I get the timing right then there is little to no crying.
And the word "crying" is often quite loaded too. But when babies make a noise, they are trying to communicate. With each of our children I have learnt to read the different sounds they make - because different cries really do mean different things. Sometimes our baby shrieks and often this proceeds a burp or wind. This doesn't mean that he's hungry - because when I first tried this, he actually refused. Similarly, when I put him to sleep he makes different sounds and I listen to what he's trying to tell me. Sometimes it's, "I'm tired and not happy here but I'm not hollering. I just want you to know that I'm here." And so I wait. If his sounds escalate then I will go and pick him up. But I don't rush in at just any sound. Sometimes it almost sounds like he is forming words. They are almost a string of sighs.
If the baby has woken up and their nap was only a short one then I might take them for a walk before feeding them. If they are "rooting", I will breastfeed. But if they are content then I will hold off until closer to their feeding time. Generally, I feed every three hours - starting at about 6.30/7am - put the baby down at about 6.30pm and give a "dream feed" at about 11.30pm. Now our baby is sleeping through until 6.30am. When he is about four months old, we will transition to a four-hourly feeding time.
It is a flexible arrangement and by no means dogmatic. But knowing roughly when he should be feeding helps me understand his needs better. This has been true for all of my babies. And it may help you.
image the indigo crew
Thank you for supporting Imprint House, our online homewares store, which helps to keep this space alive.
SaveSave
Talking about babies and their sleeping habits is a loaded topic. There are a lot of judgements that seem to fly around about the type of person - and mother - you are depending on the path that you take. Because, after all, motherhood is a journey, and is different for every person.
However, there are times when I try to listen without judgement because I am open to hearing someone else's story. There are times when I am willing to try anything that has worked for someone else. And this is true for all of the stages of childhood.
Today I am sharing my experience - not as a way to say it's the best way, but to say it's what has helped our family.
When our first child was born, I felt out of my element. I hadn't grown up around lots of siblings, and even when my friends started to have children, I still didn't know or understand what they were going through. But I was also interested to know what was working (or not) for them, and willing to listen.
After learning that we were to become parents for the first time, my husband and I took classes through the local hospital. These were mainly about what happens during the birthing process, but also provided tips, advice and current medical recommendations on different elements of caring for a newborn baby. For example, the hospital wanted to encourage parents to place babies sleeping on their backs as research had shown that this had helped to reduce the rate of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome significantly. They also discouraged parents from sleeping with babies in their beds, for the same reason. Even at the delivery of my most recent baby, the hospital's policy was that newborns had to sleep in the bassinets, and not with the mother. SIDS was sited as the risk factor.
Because I was a new mother and wide-eyed, I didn't want to take this risk with my first child. However, there were times when I was so tired that sometimes he fell asleep with me in bed as a newborn, always during a nighttime feed. However, the few times that this happened, either he or I wouldn't sleep so well. Even when I was desperate for one of us to sleep, it never worked for us. I was always worried that myself or my husband might roll over onto the baby. It has always been my experience - with all four children - that we both sleep better when in our own beds. (And this is true for the children as they have aged too - they are too wriggly!)
Co-sleeping is something that seems to becoming more and more popular - at least from my admittedly small sample of mothers who I follow on Instagram. And that is fine - I understand the need to find something that works for each person's circumstances. But it is not something that has worked for us.
When I was pregnant with our first child a friend gave me a book as a gift. She was an intelligent woman and a high achiever - a classic type-A personality. The book was called Save Our Sleep. At first I put it to the side, but when I felt overwhelmed with my newborn I started to read it. Then another friend, whose baby was sleeping at six weeks old, gave me another book: The Baby Whisperer. I also read this, and started to follow through on some of the advice. While I have never been overly strict on following routines, we have found them to work for our family. All four of my children - who have each had their own distinct personalities - have now been sleeping through the night by about three months old.
For me, what the books above have helped me to teach me is ways to understand my baby, and their needs. For example, if a baby has just been fed and they start to cry, I always check their nappy first or try to determine if they have wind. My first reaction is not to breastfeed straight away. I also try to ensure that they have a "full" feed each time, offering both sides - and this usually happens when they are about three hours apart - versus "snacking".
Also, swaddling has worked for us. If they come out of their wrap, then they are more likely to wake and not have a full sleep. I've always found wrapping with the arms up - as above - allows the baby to suck on their hands and comforts them. The giant wraps from Li'l Fraser have been really good for this, as I have mentioned before.
And by following some form of a routine, I can read their cues better for when they are tired and need to have a nap. If they are starting to grizzle and they have already had a feed and a nappy change, then I know it's time to put them down for a nap. If I get the timing right then there is little to no crying.
And the word "crying" is often quite loaded too. But when babies make a noise, they are trying to communicate. With each of our children I have learnt to read the different sounds they make - because different cries really do mean different things. Sometimes our baby shrieks and often this proceeds a burp or wind. This doesn't mean that he's hungry - because when I first tried this, he actually refused. Similarly, when I put him to sleep he makes different sounds and I listen to what he's trying to tell me. Sometimes it's, "I'm tired and not happy here but I'm not hollering. I just want you to know that I'm here." And so I wait. If his sounds escalate then I will go and pick him up. But I don't rush in at just any sound. Sometimes it almost sounds like he is forming words. They are almost a string of sighs.
If the baby has woken up and their nap was only a short one then I might take them for a walk before feeding them. If they are "rooting", I will breastfeed. But if they are content then I will hold off until closer to their feeding time. Generally, I feed every three hours - starting at about 6.30/7am - put the baby down at about 6.30pm and give a "dream feed" at about 11.30pm. Now our baby is sleeping through until 6.30am. When he is about four months old, we will transition to a four-hourly feeding time.
It is a flexible arrangement and by no means dogmatic. But knowing roughly when he should be feeding helps me understand his needs better. This has been true for all of my babies. And it may help you.
image the indigo crew
Thank you for supporting Imprint House, our online homewares store, which helps to keep this space alive.
SaveSave
A few years ago at a photo shoot I was talking to a father who had teenaged children. He said that the years seven to 11 were golden ones - that a child was able to do things on their own but hadn't reached the hormone surge of adolescence. It is one of those comments that has stuck with me, although at the moment I'm not sure I agree entirely.
So far I have really enjoyed the ages four and five. But perhaps aged four the most. Three has always been a challenge in our family. Most of our children didn't go through the terrible twos, but did have some trying moments at the age of three. With my son, who has always been quite mild tempered, this coincided with another sibling coming on the scene. And with our eldest daughter it was still only a year into her having a younger sister, which was an adjustment. So it is hard for me to separate the age of three from other factors that the children were going through.
But I enjoy living with a four year old. They are capable but still enjoy cuddles. They show signs of maturity but can be silly. They develop a real interest in learning (wanting to write and read) but are also happy to play for hours with a cardboard box (see yesterday's post).
However, when they turn five this slowly starts to change again. They need us less and want to become more independent. And this is a pattern that continues on.
There are days when I miss my eight-year-old son. He has always been independent, and in the early years of childhood this was something that I craved at times, but now it's almost as if he doesn't need us. He wakes, eats breakfast, gets dressed without fuss. He will put his bowl in the dishwasher and sometimes is even happy to help prepare his lunchbox. Now he is even catching a bus to and from school a few days a week. He can play independently and other than when he's using power tools, doesn't need our help as such. While he has been moving towards spending more time with his father, which I have read is a classic developmental stage, I have mourned him a little. He is no longer a little boy.
So as our eldest daughter is fast approaching the age of five, I feel a little sad. I'm proud of all that she has achieved and of the kind and thoughtful person she is becoming. But a part of me will also miss the little girl that she was. Such sweet sorrow.
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Tribes have always been around. Not just in the collective sense of groups of people who are connected in relation to their social, economic or religious ties. Or the more familiar blood relations. But cultural tribes. Those groupings that are instantly obvious usually because of the clothing that people are wearing. Again, social factors play a role. Even going back hundreds of years. After all clothing is often an economic marker - can you afford crinoline or velvet or hand-loomed fair trade organic cotton?
And just as with so many other aspects of society and culture, this is often played out in the world of children. Mainly because parents make the purchases, and determine which tribe they want their little ones to belong to. This is not always a conscious decision, but it is there. And in the online world of Instagram it is played out large.
Is your child a modern minimalist, a character out of Little House on the Prairie, or do they look like they have stepped out of a lecture at Harvard?
Often children play along with this game because they enjoy mimicking parents, and the sense of belonging that comes with looking like those around you. Part of the reason that #minime and #twinning are such popular hashtags (although not always just related to parents and their children).
I know that my daughters get excited when they have an item of clothing that's similar to mine. And my son was thrilled when his dad bought the same brand of trainers as him recently. There's something wonderful about being connected to your tribe.
But self-expression is important too. Some of the style icons from last century went against the grain of what was popular or acceptable at the time. Look at Coco Chanel and her penchant for wearing trousers, and men's clothing. While it was considered de-classe, her legacy is real.
Allowing children to express themselves can foster a healthy dose of self confidence. That their choices and decisions are valued. My son has dressed himself since the age of two, and has always enjoyed doing things his way. Initially it was pulling his socks up to his knees and then crossing his velcro straps over to create patterns - from crosses to chevrons. There is no harm in this, and by not "correcting" him it has helped foster his sense of creativity which has continued to grow. He's not afraid to experiment or explore ideas. He has freedom to think for himself.
Of course, children can also go through stages were their sartorial choices can look more like a fancy dress party. And while we've allowed dress-ups we've also explained that there's a time and a place for everything. School and certain social occasions deserve respect.
Also, when all of the clothes in your wardrobe are of a similar colour palette then it doesn't always matter how they are mixed. I find this true of my own clothing. Years ago I sold and donated heavily patterned clothing, and items that only worked with one other item as they were too much work. It's an easier life when you grab almost any top and bottom and they are complementary.
Each one of our children has a different personality and they express this through their clothing choices. We see this most acutely with the girls. While the eldest has always gravitated towards "pretty" dresses, especially ones that spin, the younger is more interested in striped t-shirts, a simple skirt (usually with pockets) and leggings. It's been a valuable lesson in realising that not all clothing can be passed down. But everything within their wardrobes works cohesively and this gives us as parents the freedom of time to allow them to dress themselves.
And, yes, they are of our tribe. We value handmade clothing made with natural fibres, and organic materials when possible. That gives us joy. And we want them to learn that your sartorial choices can bring happiness. In more ways than one.
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About a month ago the seven-year-old learnt to knit. It is an activity that is encouraged at his new school, and something the children learn before writing or their times tables. Even before I had the chance to read about the reasoning for this teaching method, I found myself buying yarn and a set of bamboo needles. Initially it was because I wanted to help him and couldn't quite remember how to knit as I hadn't done it since I was his age. Then as he became more adept, I became transfixed watching his new-found dexterity with the needles. It seemed like a fun activity to do together.
After teaching myself from a few online tutorials, I soon became addicted too. Moving through the stitches and rows can create a meditative state. It is a repetitive action that is incredibly calming. And while many experienced knitters can talk and not even look at their stitches while they work, focusing on the task at hand creates the single-minded calmness that I have only experienced before from yoga, swimming laps and meditating.
The school's literature states that the amount of attentiveness required to knit helps to train young children's concentration spans which will help with their problem-solving skills in later years. It is also an activity that focuses on fine motor skills, which can assist in learning to read and write, especially the repetition of moving from left to right.
Counting the number of stitches and rows and devising patterns with various colours for the piece that they are working on can help children to develop mathematical skills in a stimulating yet enjoyable way.
Then there are the conversations that we have had as a result of this new activity. Why wool is better than acrylic. The pluses and minuses of using different types of ply and materials - from twine to cotton. And the cost of wool - as he was going through so much so quickly - and why some products from countries such as China are cheaper - but explaining how the companies who produce such goods get those costs down.
While he learnt French knitting at his previous school, and got a loom weaving kit the previous year, which he went through spurts of using, the act of having knitting as an ongoing class activity has spurred his interest in all sorts of knitting, knotting and weaving again. He sometimes intersperses his knitted pieces with French or finger knitting. This way he has created bunting, which now hangs from his sister's bed, and a bag that he uses to carry his school hat inside. Also, in the past month he has created various bracelets for his sisters and a stock whip, which he enjoyed learning to crack.
His current focus is on using a bale of sisal twine, which has lead to many interesting twists and turns in our talks. We have spoken about how you might create string bags, coasters and light shades using this material. The work of Indigenous artist Regina Wilson also came up. She has created home furnishings for Australian furniture and design company Koskela in the past. He was impressed with her dilly bag design and some of her other weavings.
"We cannot underestimate the self-esteem and joy that arise in the child as the result of having made something practical and beautiful - something which has arisen as the result of a skill that has been learned. In an age when children are too often passive consumers, who, as Oscar Wilde once said, 'know the price of everything and the value of nothing', learning to knit can be a powerful way of bringing meaning into a child's life." - Eugene Schwartz, "Knitting and Intellectual Development" in Waldorf Education: A Family Guide (ed Pamela Johnson Fenner and Karen L Rivers), Michaelmas Press, 1995.
And if you're interested in a few other facts about knitting, here are a list of six unexpected benefits.
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We are about to enter tooth fairy territory. The only snag is that school boy has his first wobbly tooth when he's fast approaching the age of eight. He's not entirely convinced about the concept. "So can the tooth fairy lift a pillow even with my head sleeping on it?" He is a practical, scientific and enquiring boy. Already he has his own ideas about Santa.
However, he has two younger sisters, and another sibling on the way. We need to tread carefully here. Even though I don't want to undermine his enquiring mind, there are others who believe wholeheartedly in fairies and magic.
While I don't mind providing him money in exchange for the tooth, I wondered if there were some other ways to approach this topic. I remember that when I was about his age that part of me didn't believe in such things any more but another part of me wanted to believe too. And when I overheard a grown-up say something at Christmas-time, I was a little crushed.
I've done a little research and found a great book - Throw Your Tooth on the Roof. It's about how other cultures deal with this rite of passage. Apparently, children in Botswana don't put their tooth under the pillow, they throw it on the roof, while in Egypt they throw it at the sun. There are quite a few books about that deal with the topic, but they seem to cater more to a younger age group, and while I did consider doing a "tooth" book-type calendar (something similar to our Advent book calendar), I've ruled it out due to age appropriateness.
Below are some ideas I have found in relation to those who want to offer something other than money from tooth fairies.
Alternate ideas to giving money
* Create a bracelet and get a new charm from the tooth fairy for every tooth.
* Fairy treasure: items that sparkly.
* Fairy wings that get new decorations/ornaments for each tooth.
* While this idea is quite involved - it is also quite cool - for every tooth, the child receives an animal's tooth in return. However, to take it to another level, the tooth comes in a glitter bath with a note written backwards and the child has to read the clue in a mirror and guess the animal. As a simpler version, I like the child getting a clue and going on a treasure hunt to find their "gift/treasure/money". I'm tempted to combine this idea with traditions from around the world, as stated in the book above.
There are also tooth fairy pillows that you can buy (pictured above) and make. Plus, report cards from the fairy recording which tooth was lost, the date and quality of it. Many of these are now on our Tooth Fairy Pinterest board.
I'd love to hear how any of you have broached this subject with older children - even on the Santa question too.
It's such an exciting time when children start school. It can also be an emotional time too though - for them and you! Both of you need to let go, but there can be rewards from that as well. They gain a greater sense of independence - as do you. They also learn skills and start to forge their way in the world - navigating friendships and relationships with peers and teachers. There are also responsibilities to learn.
I remember a few years ago going to a talk at a prospective school for our son. The principal said that children didn't need to know how to read or write before starting school - what was more important was that they had the necessary social skills. That they could have the confidence to ask someone where the toilet was, or that they could explain to their teacher that they had forgotten their lunch. That always stuck with me.
People often say you know when your child is ready for school. However, sometimes age cut-offs can blur the issue. Our son's birthday is in June. In Australia that means he had to either be one of the youngest or one of the eldest. Everyone I spoke to said it's better to hold children back, especially boys as they can lag behind girls academically at school. That if you hold them back they are more confident as they are more adept at many levels.
In many regards this advice is true. However, as is often the case, it's not true for everyone.
I often wonder if we did the right thing holding our son back. He is one of the eldest in his class, and has excelled at school. He is confident socially and mature. And maybe this might not have happened if we had pushed him ahead. However, there have been many times over the past year or so that he's expressed boredom with the set school work.
School age isn't such an issue for our eldest daughter as she was born in August. And while she has always been more attached as a child, over the past year it's been apparent that she was ready for the next step. She had her first day at pre-kindy today, and it was a joy to watch the mature and confident girl that she has become. There was a little apprehension when I left but not really any tears. It was a proud moment, and I knew that we had done the right thing. That she was ready.
For our youngest, born in May, we will again face the question of whether to hold her back or push her forward. Time will still tell. However, as she is the third child, she is already confident and capable on many levels. But there are skills she will need. This time I won't be as hesitant to push her forward though.
Would love to know about your children - and their experiences of being pushed forward or held back. What has worked (or not) for you?
School girl is wearing an outfit from Olive Juice.
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Life is a continual learning curve with children. I've learnt so much about my strengths and weaknesses, and my values. For more than 12 years we haven't had a television in our home. And even though I've had moments of questioning this decision - usually on movie nights or when the children were at the stage of dropping sleeps and tired and cranky in the afternoons - I'm glad I've persevered.
For all of our children, we've avoided screen time in the first two years of their life after reading several studies on the detrimental effect of brain development during this period. Brain Rules for Baby by John Medina is an interesting example. And following on from this age, we've tried to cap screen time to two hours maximum a day. But while we might reach this limit if we watch a film, we don't come near this on a daily basis.
When our son was younger we went through a stage of letting him watch an hour or so of children's films or programs (via ABC for Kids online) on our laptop when he stopped having a midday nap at age two. At the time it seemed like the best solution as it would pacify him for a little while otherwise he would get frustrated because he was tired and couldn't concentrate on other tasks. Also, we sometimes let him watch programs when our second child came along, and I needed to focus on settling a newborn to sleep.
However, once she got to the age that they could play together, our reliance on screens slipped away altogether. While we had never had an excessive reliance on them, it felt good that they weren't a regular part of our lives. Soon afterwards I deleted the few kids "educational" apps I had on my phone and decided that it was only a tool for my work, and not a toy. That felt good too.
Now that there are three children actively playing in our home, they hardly ever watch films or kids programs. It's been interesting to observe because each one of them has progressively watched less than the previous child to the point that the youngest actually has no interest in films when they are on. She's up and down on her seat and in and out of the room.
And the other two hardly request to watch anything either. They are usually too busy playing.
Of course, there are days when the lure of the screen appeals - usually when I'm not feeling well, or I'm tired or perhaps parenting solo, but I often realise that it's for me, not for them. And I think that's okay, too. But it's interesting to observe why we make these decisions.
Yesterday, while my husband was doing some DIY on the house, the thought crossed my mind that I might suggest a movie. However, by the time I had cleaned up after lunch all of the children were playing together upstairs. Shortly afterwards they called out to me to see what they had created. It was a "scene" for the youngest to play in. It really made me so glad that I'd given them the opportunity to find some way to occupy themselves. It was one of those beautiful moments as a parent, and one that made me realise that, for now at least, when their imagination seems to be in full flight, our life is better without screens.
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Sometimes I want to throw all of the children's toys out. They frustrate me on many levels. First, I should say, that I know that they are usually given with good intentions. And, secondly, sometimes it's even the ones that we as parents have chosen that need to be added to the pile. So this is not about pointing the finger. It's more about what children actually enjoy playing with. And how we sometimes lose sight of that - or get sucked into believing that a product can replace what they really want.
Take, for instance, our recent trip to the Southern Highlands. After a morning walk through the bush and a rest-stop for afternoon tea in Kangaroo Valley, we found a bountiful collection of autumn leaves. The children started to look for the largest one, and soon we were creating a giant circle of them. Giving focus to the activity excited them, and soon they were gathering as many leaves as they could then placing them in the centre or on the boundary of the circle.
At the end they decided to run around the circle singing "Ring a ring o' roses". It was so lovely to watch. They were running and laughing, and completely immersed in something so simple. All it took was our participation. To be there with them, playing with them, engaging with what they were doing. And the funny thing is, that after the initial participation they no longer needed us to take part. It was then their activity, and they had taken it to a whole new level of imaginative play. But, it's as if they needed the comfort and reassurance that we were near them to get there. And once they felt secure, they were able to play unencumbered.
Of course, its not always possible to drop everything and play all of the time with your children. But it's nice to make the effort when you can. These are times that we remember.
images the indigo crew
