ALMOST FIVE

A few years ago at a photo shoot I was talking to a father who had teenaged children. He said that the years seven to 11 were golden ones - that a child was able to do things on their own but hadn't reached the hormone surge of adolescence. It is one of those comments that has stuck with me, although at the moment I'm not sure I agree entirely.

So far I have really enjoyed the ages four and five. But perhaps aged four the most. Three has always been a challenge in our family. Most of our children didn't go through the terrible twos, but did have some trying moments at the age of three. With my son, who has always been quite mild tempered, this coincided with another sibling coming on the scene. And with our eldest daughter it was still only a year into her having a younger sister, which was an adjustment. So it is hard for me to separate the age of three from other factors that the children were going through.

But I enjoy living with a four year old. They are capable but still enjoy cuddles. They show signs of maturity but can be silly. They develop a real interest in learning (wanting to write and read) but are also happy to play for hours with a cardboard box (see yesterday's post).

However, when they turn five this slowly starts to change again. They need us less and want to become more independent. And this is a pattern that continues on.

There are days when I miss my eight-year-old son. He has always been independent, and in the early years of childhood this was something that I craved at times, but now it's almost as if he doesn't need us. He wakes, eats breakfast, gets dressed without fuss. He will put his bowl in the dishwasher and sometimes is even happy to help prepare his lunchbox. Now he is even catching a bus to and from school a few days a week. He can play independently and other than when he's using power tools, doesn't need our help as such. While he has been moving towards spending more time with his father, which I have read is a classic developmental stage, I have mourned him a little. He is no longer a little boy.

So as our eldest daughter is fast approaching the age of five, I feel a little sad. I'm proud of all that she has achieved and of the kind and thoughtful person she is becoming. But a part of me will also miss the little girl that she was. Such sweet sorrow.

image the indigo crew

BABY ESSENTIALS

There is a look and a pause when you tell people you have four children. And then the question. "How do you manage?"

The answer is always the same, because it's true. Or at least for us. The older children often entertain each other and because of their age in many ways this time around has been the easiest transition.

But there's something interesting that I've noticed. It feels as if the lessons of motherhood have been distilled this time around. 

Time is flying, a little too quickly. But because I don't have time to deliberate on decisions or fuss over details, I have noticed that I am the closest I've been to understanding what really is important (for me) when it comes to motherhood.

Of course, the early months with a baby is a special bonding time. And this time with so much else going on in our lives, I have wanted to keep it as simple as possible. I am not attending any mothers groups. And I haven't really bought much, other than clothing. Instead, this time is about enjoying the closeness of breastfeeding and the smiles that are more and more regular. But there are more practical considerations too.

It really has made me aware of how little you need for a baby. I've always felt this way, and wrote a magazine article about it more than eight years ago even before the birth of our first child. When it felt like the world around me was going crazy over a million different gadgets for stages that only lasted a few weeks or months, I wanted to keep motherhood a little simpler.

Perhaps a little too simple, at times. We didn't buy a new car before our first baby arrived. In fact, we had two two-seater vehicles - a 1965 Austin Healey Sprite and a single cabin utility truck. I had to go home from the hospital in a taxi and for the first six months of our son's life we just rented a car from GoGet, a community car sharing service. But it suited us fine as we were living in Bondi and everything we needed was within walking distance.

Partly because of our car situation, we didn't get a car capsule. (That time or for any other baby.) We didn't get a baby bath or a jolly jumper. Or those toys you put on a pram. Instead we kept it simple. And the things we used then are still the things we are using now: a baby carrier, a bouncer, bassinet and wraps. Other than clothing, this is pretty much all that we needed. The one exception is the stroller. At the time we were in the city and it was more useful than it is today. But even then, I got an umbrella stroller that was suitable from newborn and upwards. 

Today we are using the same baby carrier (Baby Bjorn) and bouncer (Oeuf), and we have used them for all four children. I have to say I'm impressed with the quality of both. While they've faded a little, they're still incredibly useful. Initially I borrowed a bassinet for our first child, but bought a moses basket and a stand for our second, which we have used for both girls and now our baby boy. The brand is Seed Organic and we bought it from Kido Store, although it doesn't seem to be available any more. 

Swadling a baby is something that comes with practice, but has helped all of our children to sleep well. For our eldest daughter we were given a L'il Fraser Collection wrap and I have to say the giant size of it is brilliant. It really prevents babies from wriggling out. We have used them now for all three children. We also use a Love To Dream zip-up wrap, which is another good way to prevent them from un-swadling. And we use the wraps to line the bassinet rather than buying dedicated sheets. The one other item that we've used for all four children is our Melobaby - it's a baby changing mat that wipes down, has magnets so is easy to pull apart (no zips), fits everything inside (nappies and wipes) and fits into a bag. I've never used a "baby" or "nappy" bag - a large-sized tote, such as the market basket and string bag that I'm currently rotating, has always been sufficient.

For clothing, I had to buy a new selection this time around as I had handed down many of our other pieces. Although I had held onto a little all-in-one from Petit Bateau that is still in good condition. The rest I have bought mainly from Nature Baby, and the quality is good and the pieces wash well. As I mention here, I have also bought some woollen items that I wish I had known about years ago, as these definitely would have worked well across gender and over the years. This is perhaps another lesson that I've learnt - when you buy gender neutral clothing they really will last you for years, if you plan on having more than one child. Natural colours and greys work well in this regard. The grey and white striped wrap, pictured above, is one that I bought for my youngest daughter and it is just as suitable for my son.

The hardest part will be letting go of these items once they are no longer needed, as they have been such a big part of our lives over the past eight years.

images the indigo crew

NEW WAYS OF LEARNING

About a month ago the seven-year-old learnt to knit. It is an activity that is encouraged at his new school, and something the children learn before writing or their times tables. Even before I had the chance to read about the reasoning for this teaching method, I found myself buying yarn and a set of bamboo needles. Initially it was because I wanted to help him and couldn't quite remember how to knit as I hadn't done it since I was his age. Then as he became more adept, I became transfixed watching his new-found dexterity with the needles. It seemed like a fun activity to do together.

After teaching myself from a few online tutorials, I soon became addicted too. Moving through the stitches and rows can create a meditative state. It is a repetitive action that is incredibly calming. And while many experienced knitters can talk and not even look at their stitches while they work, focusing on the task at hand creates the single-minded calmness that I have only experienced before from yoga, swimming laps and meditating.

The school's literature states that the amount of attentiveness required to knit helps to train young children's concentration spans which will help with their problem-solving skills in later years. It is also an activity that focuses on fine motor skills, which can assist in learning to read and write, especially the repetition of moving from left to right.

Counting the number of stitches and rows and devising patterns with various colours for the piece that they are working on can help children to develop mathematical skills in a stimulating yet enjoyable way. 

Then there are the conversations that we have had as a result of this new activity. Why wool is better than acrylic. The pluses and minuses of using different types of ply and materials - from twine to cotton. And the cost of wool - as he was going through so much so quickly - and why some products from countries such as China are cheaper - but explaining how the companies who produce such goods get those costs down.

While he learnt French knitting at his previous school, and got a loom weaving kit the previous year, which he went through spurts of using, the act of having knitting as an ongoing class activity has spurred his interest in all sorts of knitting, knotting and weaving again. He sometimes intersperses his knitted pieces with French or finger knitting. This way he has created bunting, which now hangs from his sister's bed, and a bag that he uses to carry his school hat inside. Also, in the past month he has created various bracelets for his sisters and a stock whip, which he enjoyed learning to crack.

His current focus is on using a bale of sisal twine, which has lead to many interesting twists and turns in our talks. We have spoken about how you might create string bags, coasters and light shades using this material. The work of Indigenous artist Regina Wilson also came up. She has created home furnishings for Australian furniture and design company Koskela in the past. He was impressed with her dilly bag design and some of her other weavings.

"We cannot underestimate the self-esteem and joy that arise in the child as the result of having made something practical and beautiful - something which has arisen as the result of a skill that has been learned. In an age when children are too often passive consumers, who, as Oscar Wilde once said, 'know the price of everything and the value of nothing', learning to knit can be a powerful way of bringing meaning into a child's life." - Eugene Schwartz, "Knitting and Intellectual Development" in Waldorf Education: A Family Guide (ed Pamela Johnson Fenner and Karen L Rivers), Michaelmas Press, 1995.

And if you're interested in a few other facts about knitting, here are a list of six unexpected benefits.

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WHEN IS THE RIGHT TIME TO START SCHOOL?

It's such an exciting time when children start school. It can also be an emotional time too though - for them and you! Both of you need to let go, but there can be rewards from that as well. They gain a greater sense of independence - as do you. They also learn skills and start to forge their way in the world - navigating friendships and relationships with peers and teachers. There are also responsibilities to learn.

I remember a few years ago going to a talk at a prospective school for our son. The principal said that children didn't need to know how to read or write before starting school - what was more important was that they had the necessary social skills. That they could have the confidence to ask someone where the toilet was, or that they could explain to their teacher that they had forgotten their lunch. That always stuck with me.

People often say you know when your child is ready for school. However, sometimes age cut-offs can blur the issue. Our son's birthday is in June. In Australia that means he had to either be one of the youngest or one of the eldest. Everyone I spoke to said it's better to hold children back, especially boys as they can lag behind girls academically at school. That if you hold them back they are more confident as they are more adept at many levels.

In many regards this advice is true. However, as is often the case, it's not true for everyone. 

I often wonder if we did the right thing holding our son back. He is one of the eldest in his class, and has excelled at school. He is confident socially and mature. And maybe this might not have happened if we had pushed him ahead. However, there have been many times over the past year or so that he's expressed boredom with the set school work.

School age isn't such an issue for our eldest daughter as she was born in August. And while she has always been more attached as a child, over the past year it's been apparent that she was ready for the next step. She had her first day at pre-kindy today, and it was a joy to watch the mature and confident girl that she has become. There was a little apprehension when I left but not really any tears. It was a proud moment, and I knew that we had done the right thing. That she was ready.

For our youngest, born in May, we will again face the question of whether to hold her back or push her forward. Time will still tell. However, as she is the third child, she is already confident and capable on many levels. But there are skills she will need. This time I won't be as hesitant to push her forward though.

Would love to know about your children - and their experiences of being pushed forward or held back. What has worked (or not) for you?

School girl is wearing an outfit from Olive Juice.

images the indigo crew

HOW MUCH NEWS DO YOU SHARE?

Sometimes you hear or read news that stops you in your tracks, and makes your heart sink. This is what happened over the weekend on learning of the latest terrorism attacks in Paris.

At these times I often find myself needing to share the news with someone - perhaps in an attempt to understand it better. Or just unburden myself.

While the children are often the ones closest to me, I want to be considered rather than impulsive with what I share or how I react.

However, when tragedy strikes - whether on the news, or closer to home - I sometimes want to find ways to discuss matters with them. Obviously, the four and two year old are too young to understand many concepts. But I do believe that we can make a difference by teaching our children how to love and have empathy and be compassionate.

The seven-year-old's level of knowledge and understanding about the world we live in is growing all of the time. On the simplest level, he is interested in the environment and health. Ways that we can make the world, and ourselves, better. Global events are another matter, though.

However, following the Syrian refugee crisis I did want to share with him a positive news story out of the events. I showed him the video of German people clapping and welcoming one group of refugees into their country.

After the news in Paris, I wanted to share with him the peace symbol, and what it means. As it turns out, he was more interested in building a teepee in the garden. The timing was not right. But the intention remains.

Whenever we have discussed global matters with our son, we talk about research, and how it changes all of the time. And how different people can have different view points on a particular matter. We don't want him to see the world in black and white. And we want him to question what facts and information is presented to him. An early form of analytical thinking, in a way.

Overall, though, our children aren't exposed to the news. We don't have a television, and don't listen to the radio or receive newspaper deliveries anymore. As adults and parents, we digest news out of sight from the children - generally after bedtime.

In a quest to find some guidelines on what is appropriate for different age categories, I found this article by PBS, which was an interesting read.

Do you watch or share news with your children? What guidelines do you follow? Have you discussed any recent global events - such as the Paris terrorism attacks or the Syrian refugee crisis?

images the indigo crew

10 QUESTIONS WITH... AMELIA FULLARTON

Amelia Fullarton has fast become a go-to photographer in the beautiful area of Byron Bay. She’s known for her portraiture work - mainly for weddings and also with children. But she’s also gaining quite a following for capturing her own sweet family - two girls Arlo and Agnes - in and around their beachside home. Amelia is originally from Sydney though. She grew up on the outskirts - in Dural. Her family had land there and she and her sister rode horses growing up, and had a real taste of country life. About seven years ago Amelia moved to Byron after travelling through Europe with some of her best friends. “We just didn’t want the holiday to be over,” she says. “Byron was the next best thing. I’d like to eventually settle in the hinterland, on some land so the girls can enjoy what I had. I love the simplicity country life has to offer.”

Because Amelia’s youngest daughter is still a newborn, she is enjoying some time out from her busy wedding photography schedule. Once Agnes is a little bigger though, she anticipates having to work a lot at night while the girls sleep. “The juggle is tough and like most working mums some days I feel really stressed,” she says. “But I’m one of those people who loves the chaos of family life; I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

1 As a child I used to wear… the same outfit every day. Well, at least I tried. Mum said I used to cry when it was getting washed then go down to the clothesline to wait and watch while it dried.

2 My bedroom was… painted more times then I can count. Now I’m a parent, looking back I love how relaxed my folks were about it all. Pink, blue, different shades of purple. It was amazing; I realise now how that creative freedom is just so great for young children.

3 When I was a teenager I used to… be trouble. Having two girls, I’m already having serious concerns about what we might be in for!

4 After high school I wanted to be… an interior designer. I studied at Enmore in Sydney, straight after high school.

5 A seminal moment was… most definitely when Arlo, my first daughter, was born or more so that first year of her life. I was finishing up a degree with a newborn and starting to apply for jobs within that field. Every interview l went to - and there were a few - l walked out feeling like absolute crap, like l knew l wasn’t going to get it. My heart wasn’t in it and if l did get a job, I’d have to work five days to earn enough to pay for daycare and miss out on watching my daughter grow up. It’s this sad reality for women that we are faced with now, to be able to live off one income is tough and we feel pressure to wear many hats. I knew l had to find what it was l loved to do. l’d take photos of Arlo on my little film cameras and these images would bring me so much joy but l couldn’t think of one person who would take some “non-cheesy” photos of my family. l thought l could do this for people; l would love to do this for people. I guess it grew from there. Thanks to her, l pushed myself out of my comfort zone. l had someone l needed to think of now that was more important to me than myself and that can make a woman do some pretty powerful stuff.  

6 I never thought I would… be the first out of my friends to have children. I fell in love with my partner when I was 21 and was pregnant with our first daughter at 23. Before I met him I never imagined this is where l would be. l loved the freedom of being single, the travelling and boozy nights. But l’ve found a great man and l’ll willingly give up all my boozy nights for breastfeeds in bed. Ha!

7 I’ve learnt to… not be too hard on myself. Well, at least I’m trying. It’s a real struggle for me to never feel like I’m doing good enough. Whether that be with work or being a mother. For my work it’s important that l be critical so I can improve but some days I think I just need to pat myself on the back and say, “hey, you’re doin' okay!”. 

8 I know… that this life is short. That we live in an incredible country where anything is possible. I hope my kids never lose perspective on just how lucky they are for those reasons alone.

9 I share because… there’s something l really enjoy about documenting life, especially the good moments. I know a lot of people say it gets a bit too much all the pretty pictures but for me not so much. I try not to take it too seriously, all you have to do is pick up a newspaper or switch on your television to see how much war and sadness there is in this world. For me, if l can share what might just be a moment of happiness in my day then it’s worth sharing. Cause we all know it aint’ always peaches and cream, behind every pretty picture is a pile of mess. 

10 If I had an unexpected morning to myself I would… read, go for a drive, take a long walk without any rush to get home, be lazy, drink champagne, go to breakfast and order pancakes - knowing they aren’t going to get eaten by someone other then myself - have a proper conversation with all of my best friends without being interrupted every five minutes. I could keep going but l might bore you.

image courtesy of amelia fullarton 

LIFE WITHOUT SCREENS

Life is a continual learning curve with children. I've learnt so much about my strengths and weaknesses, and my values. For more than 12 years we haven't had a television in our home. And even though I've had moments of questioning this decision - usually on movie nights or when the children were at the stage of dropping sleeps and tired and cranky in the afternoons - I'm glad I've persevered.

For all of our children, we've avoided screen time in the first two years of their life after reading several studies on the detrimental effect of brain development during this period. Brain Rules for Baby by John Medina is an interesting example. And following on from this age, we've tried to cap screen time to two hours maximum a day. But while we might reach this limit if we watch a film, we don't come near this on a daily basis.

When our son was younger we went through a stage of letting him watch an hour or so of children's films or programs (via ABC for Kids online) on our laptop when he stopped having a midday nap at age two. At the time it seemed like the best solution as it would pacify him for a little while otherwise he would get frustrated because he was tired and couldn't concentrate on other tasks. Also, we sometimes let him watch programs when our second child came along, and I needed to focus on settling a newborn to sleep.

However, once she got to the age that they could play together, our reliance on screens slipped away altogether. While we had never had an excessive reliance on them, it felt good that they weren't a regular part of our lives. Soon afterwards I deleted the few kids "educational" apps I had on my phone and decided that it was only a tool for my work, and not a toy. That felt good too.

Now that there are three children actively playing in our home, they hardly ever watch films or kids programs. It's been interesting to observe because each one of them has progressively watched less than the previous child to the point that the youngest actually has no interest in films when they are on. She's up and down on her seat and in and out of the room.

And the other two hardly request to watch anything either. They are usually too busy playing.

Of course, there are days when the lure of the screen appeals - usually when I'm not feeling well, or I'm tired or perhaps parenting solo, but I often realise that it's for me, not for them. And I think that's okay, too. But it's interesting to observe why we make these decisions.

Yesterday, while my husband was doing some DIY on the house, the thought crossed my mind that I might suggest a movie. However, by the time I had cleaned up after lunch all of the children were playing together upstairs. Shortly afterwards they called out to me to see what they had created. It was a "scene" for the youngest to play in. It really made me so glad that I'd given them the opportunity to find some way to occupy themselves. It was one of those beautiful moments as a parent, and one that made me realise that, for now at least, when their imagination seems to be in full flight, our life is better without screens.

image the indigo crew   

DINNER-TIME STRATEGIES

The other day I was having a conversation with two people who live in different parts of the country, and up until that moment hadn't met before. They were both parents of young children and we got to talking about meal times. Both of them said their children ate well - meaning that they were happy to eat a variety of foods and also finished meals without fuss.

When I asked them to explain how this came about they both had similar strategies. Quite simply, the children had to eat what was given to them. One of them said that no other options were provided. And the other went one step further and said his children only got dessert if they finished all of their dinner. All of it. And if they didn't eat their dinner, there was nothing else. It didn't matter if they didn't like what food was put in front of them. As a result, though, the children ate what the parents ate. There were no adaptations or special meals for the kids. And they had become good eaters.

Interestingly, in the first case, the parent fed her children (both under age four) in the bath. She felt it contained and focussed them. There was no moving away from the table or getting distracted.

Our meal times are somewhere in-between. Kind of. We always eat breakfast and dinner together as a family. Even if I'm going out for dinner with friends afterwards, I sit down at the table and eat a smaller version of dinner. (Dinner is usually served at about 5.30pm - any later and the children become tired and don't eat as well.) We find that the children are more focussed on sitting at the table and eating their food when at least one parent is sitting down with them. If we're both fussing around, restlessness increases.

We also wait until everyone is present and the food has been served until we start eating. We've gone through phases of having the food in large bowls and dishes on the table for the children to help themselves too. Generally, I prefer giving them a quantity of food as I feel that helping themselves can sometimes become a big performance and they're not as focussed on the food. However, I have read that allowing children to help themselves is a good way for them to self-monitor how much they need, and that sometimes we overfeed them. I remember Australian nutritionist Rosemary Stanton saying that getting children to help themselves engendered many good eating habits, and was a way to tackle childhood obesity. While that's not a concern for us - not now, and hopefully never - I can see benefits of this strategy when children are a little older.

Overall, the children eat fairly well. I didn't think this was always the case because when they were younger so many friends and other new mothers spoke of their babies and toddlers as being "good eaters". As time went on, I realised how selective many people are when they say these things. Often when people said this, and then when I observed their children eating food, I didn't come to the same conclusion. So much of parenting is about expectations, I find. 

Of course, our children all have different preferences. One loves meat but is not big on carbohydrate foods, such as pasta and rice, and doesn't like cheese or eggs. While the others will eat cheese and eggs but aren't big on meat. Generally, I don't serve them something they really don't like - but I do expect them to try new foods.

Because we eat together as a family, I don't cook separate meals. We all eat the same meal. Sometimes, if I feel like a chicken Caesar salad, for example, and I know they don't like the mayonnaise-based dressing, I will give them chicken with the salad components and also some pasta, but hold off on that for me. 

Other times when we go through a period of no one finishing their meals, and if I'm feeling frustrated by dinner-time I get a little more strict and insist that they have to finish dinner if they want to have any dessert. I am torn with this approach though because I was forced to eat all of the food in front of me when I was a child and I have vivid memories of sitting at the table chewing on food that I hated and not wanting to swallow it. I don't want to put them through that.

But I do want to raise good eaters. That is, children who are willing to try new dishes, eat a variety of meals and also have a healthy relationship with food.

Generally, dessert is a piece of fruit or natural yoghurt and a drizzle of honey with fruit. On occasion we have something home-baked. But, again, I always try to minimise the amount of sugar they consume (in general and just before bed-time).

Something that I have noticed is that even our fussiest eater has become much better over time. I think this is probably due to persistence on our part, and not forcing the issue with food. And as I was explaining to one of them over dinner tonight, it's my job as a parent to provide nutritional food. Just because one person doesn't like something, doesn't mean that everyone else should be deprived of a rainbow of vegetables, and a mix of foods. Which kind of comes back to one of the first points - for us, meals are about family time. The individual has to learn to become part of the whole.

So are your children "good eaters"? Do they eat a variety of foods and meals? Do they finish everything on their plate? What strategies do you use? What works? I would love to know any of your tips or tricks, and your views on providing dessert or other incentives to get your children to eat everything they are given. Thank you!

image the indigo crew

A CHILD'S RIGHT TO PRIVACY ONLINE

Following expressions of interest in topical posts, I am introducing a new series to the blog - Family Matters. It is a place where I want to raise issues that relate to being a parent. The posts will vary from week to week, and may cover topics from health to education and development, among others. The style of the posts may change too - from opinion pieces to real-life stories and interviews. It is my hope that Family Matters becomes a conversation - or a forum - to discuss and learn - such as when you chat to another parent and tell them a little of your story, and they relate their experience, or that of a friend; and sometimes they also recommend a website or book, and together you walk away feeling that you've learnt something. It is not a didactic or dogmatic column. Rather it is a place to exchange ideas and viewpoints. So, please, it would be great to read your comments below.

While our parents might have lived through the sexual revolution, we are living through a technological one. There are times when I can't quite believe that I'm recalling conversations had with people in other parts of the world who I've never met before. As I work from home, I can spend many hours not talking or meeting anyone face-to-face, yet by the end of the day I will have had multiple conversations on various devices - from emails on my laptop to online chats on Instagram via my phone.

The funny thing is that while predictions of the future - especially in the form of movies and TV shows - had everyone wearing sci-fi clothing and living in clinical homes, the opposite has happened. The more technologically advanced we are, the more we seem to crave the handmade, the "authentic" and talk about living slowly and with meaning. Hence the success of publications such as Kinfolk and the boom in craft industries as well as the popularity of dressing like an artisan. The point being, that we really can't foresee how our technological world is going to play out.

There are new areas that we are dabbling in too, which are unchartered territory. There have been no long-term studies, for instance, on the effects of children having their lives shared on social media. Wherever you sit in the argument, we can't know with any certainty what the outcome of a public life will have on children.

This topic is something that I think about a lot. As with most decisions in life, it is shaded in many hues of grey. I wanted to share some of them below, and then reach out to you.

MY STORY
While I created a Facebook account with some hesitation, I embraced social media platforms such as Twitter and Instagram with enthusiasm. When Facebook first launched, I never really understood the desire to connect with people who had faded into the distance of your life. Surely, if you wanted to keep in contact, you would? But Twitter was different. At the time I was working as a journalist and it interested me to keep up-to-date with the feeds and accounts of writers and people in the arts - to know of their news. It became an edited news feed. But as I moved away from news journalism to lifestyle publications, Instagram became the platform I used the most. Initially, it was for work. And I still have the account @nataliewalton, which shares updates on my portfolio, includes behind-the-scenes pictures from sourcing and photo shoots, and has photos of products and places that interest me from a work point-of-view as a writer and interior stylist.

But after I started a family, I felt that there was a big part of my life that I wasn't sharing. Sometimes I would include a photo of my son, however, those images never sat well. It felt like the wrong context and I was also conflicted over including images of his face, and putting him in front of the public eye. This wasn't his choice, after all.

In those early days, my concerns didn't relate to the popular catch-cry: pedaphilia (and generally they still don't - even though I have come across some strange and disturbing sites that "steal" a child's image for role-playing purposes). It was more about my son's right to privacy.

As I had more children, and spent a greater part of my life engaging in child-focussed activities, I felt an urge to share these projects. There were some days when I was frantically trying to find a kid-friendly baking recipe that we could all do together, or somewhere where we could explore that was still achievable between breakfast and nap time. And when online shopping became accessible and more affordable in Australia (after having had many years of limited choices), I was keen to learn about the new shops and brands.

The pull to setting up a child-focussed Instagram account was strong. But the concerns over privacy never waned. The solution, for me, was to have the children anonymous, to an extent. No sharing of their names, our location, or their date of births. And refraining from showing their faces online. This way, I felt, I could share our projects and experiences - and hopefully help or inspire others - and not have to compromise on privacy.

Sometimes I waiver from anonymous photos though. But I do try to refrain from full frontal shots of their face, and to not show their eyes. My guiding principle is, "Would someone be able to recognise them in the street?" The exception is the youngest, as a baby's face changes so much. But she is getting to an age where I want to be a little more careful.

CONCERNS
The main reason for my concern is that it is not their choice to be exposed publicly. While I am their parent, this is their life - and having a public profile can have long-term effects. Some are listed below. Others I won't know until their life unfolds.

1. The joy of discovery One of the joys of life is getting to know someone for the first time. Learning about their life growing up - where they lived, their interests, their family. And from that person's perspective. When our children are teenagers, they will have a vault of images and information at their fingertips about other children at school, and people they meet. It seems to deprive them of one of life's wonderful journeys of discovery. Self-discovery too - because they will recall their lives from the copious amount of photos their generation has rather than their own stored memories. They will also be able to see their own digital footprint - and people's comments about their photos, as well as the number of likes in comparison to siblings, and other feeds, etc.

2. Inappropriate focus While there is a lot of good that comes from platforms such as Instagram, a lot of it is also quite self-involved. From selfies to surreptitious brags - and some friends have called it a competitive sport (or a popularity contest). Is this focus on the self the message we want to be sending to our children? 

3. Public profile There are some accounts, usually with large followings, that attract a gushing fan base. The children are becoming mini "celebrities". A reality-TV-style existence - sometimes just better dressed. And while I don't think these "followers" or "fans" would ever do anything to hurt or harm the children featured, there is a potential (and plausible) scenario at play that the children might be placed in situations that are uncomfortable or inappropriate for them - people gawking at them, having their photo taken, for example. All of the things that some high-profile people try to avoid with their own children.

4. Future prospects This is extreme, I know. But what happens if your child one day wants to run for President or Prime Minister or be a Chairperson or CEO or some other leader in their field. Will they want the world to see them having a tantrum, scribbling on a wall, running around naked or in their underwear, covered in food, or gorging on treats. There are people who make careers from muck-raking and spinning and will use any image or information as ammunition. Bullies take many forms, and it's not possible to know how your child, teenager or even adult child will hold up to any of this. Of course, it might amount to nothing. But what we take pride in, coo over, confess or open up for discussion in public spaces might unbalance a child later in life. 

5. Security issues Some years ago in Australia there was discussion of a national identity card. The public was in uproar about institutions having access to personal information. Yet today people happily share every little detail of their children's lives - from their date and place of birth to when the family is leaving their home to go on holiday. For now this raises questions over identity theft (or other financial theft - particularly related to security questions with financial institutions) and potentially home theft, as well as others that we might not know of yet.

COUNTER ARGUMENTS
At lot of people with public profiles, and who share their child's images freely, often state that they don't want to live a life in fear. They also say that it is their choice as a parent to make these decisions. Also, many argue that they are not sharing images that in any way compromise their child. And then there are those who share images, sometimes in a documentary style, other times in plain defiance with a "stop sexualising children" stance.

THE PUBLIC LIVES OF CHILDREN
I have noticed that there are a few different types of accounts that have emerged in relation to posting photos of children on Instagram.

1. Chronicling parenthood Generally sharing day-to-day moments of being a parent, and providing updates on developments and milestones, such as birthdays and family holidays. 

2. Editorial-style feeds Feeds that only post editorial-style images, generally using their children as models to promote products.

3. Business owners Some parents with an online business use their children as models to promote their wares.

4. Monitored private accounts There are some accounts that started public but then switched to private so they could monitor and veto new followers. They still accept new followers but not everyone.

Then there are people like me, who are creating accounts and blogs that straddle the first two points - often with a view to monetising their feed. Certainly, as with many others, I put a lot of time and effort into creating content that I hope to be recompensed for some time in the future. And I'm conscious that in some ways I am using my children - disguised, or not - to do this. Of course, if I didn't have children, and we weren't engaging in our activities then I wouldn't feel compelled to share what I've learnt with others. 

There are days when I think I am taking this whole matter too seriously. ("But what's more important than considering the wellbeing and happiness of your children," says the other part of my brain.) And it's all a bit of fun. ("At whose expense? Why don't you post photos of yourself instead of them?" she argues.)

Simple living isn't always so simple. Not when technology is involved.

I would love to hear your stories, and where you stand on this issue. What do you feel comfortable sharing? Why did creating public profiles for your children? What do you think of the various types of sharing? What are your concerns? Do you give yourself parameters about what you share - and why? Have you come across any great resources on this topic?

images the indigo crew